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The Finish Line

When my oldest son started senior year way back in September, I never imaged how fast senior year would go, but here we are, less than 3 weeks away from graduation day – the finish line.

It stills feels like yesterday that I was counting the days he was late for being born – he was 13 days late to be exact. And now I am counting the days to his high school graduation.

Eighteen and a half years ago, I was blessed with this bundle of joy and I never knew I could love a human being so much.   As I reflect back, it seems as if the time moved too fast from when he was a newborn to this amazing young man he has become.  He wanted to grow up so fast, and I wished he would slow down.

There were plenty of moments where I questioned whether I was doing anything right, especially as I did it alone.  I raised that little boy all on my own, without a father in his life, and if you ask that young man, he will tell you he never missed out, that I gave him more than both a mother and father could give. His little brother looks up to him and even though they aren’t always on the same page, my little one brags about how he wants to grow up to be just like him.   And even though he and I have had our moments, he is without a doubt the best son a mother could ask for.

Over the years, as I watched that boy grow from a baby to a toddler, a little boy, a teenager, and now a young man, and his compassion, kindness and loving heart show me what kind of person he was becoming.  He constantly goes out of his way for others, sometimes putting his own needs aside to help.  And even when adversity stared him in the face, in the form of anxiety and panic attacks, rather than dwelling, he took the experience to educate others.  And I thought to myself, “wow, this kid is amazing,” and every day, he continues surprising me.  So, I look forward to his pursuing his dreams after graduation and showing me and the world everything he has to offer and give with that big heart of his.

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Graduation day will be a day of mixed emotions for me. I will be proud of him for all he has accomplished, but another part of me will be sad because he has grown up so fast.  More than anything, I wish his grandmother – my mother – were here to share this special day with us.  Mostly with me, because I am watching my little boy – who now hovers over me by at least a foot – starting a new chapter in his life, becoming the adult I always wanted him to be. And he is taking a piece of my heart with him.

As he closes one chapter in his life, and prepares to start a new one, I hope he remembers he will always be my little boy, the boy who stole my heart, who makes me laugh, who teaches me to be a better person, and who can never be replaced.  My love for that young man is unconditional.  I will always be his number 1 fan and his loudest cheerleader.

And my love for him is everlasting, starting from that day in January 2000 when he took my hand and didn’t let go.  Now, he is letting go and it is time, but he knows that even though the finish line is almost here, he knows where to find me now, after this graduation, after the next graduation, and with every milestone of his adult life. I will always be there in the sidelines cheering the loudest and beaming with pride.

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